i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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