So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
