I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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