i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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