Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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