It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize