she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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