she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
it was like eating out sand paper
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
