FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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