Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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