I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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