If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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