her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Randomize
