Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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