I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Mom said you looked used
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
