so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
