3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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