I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
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right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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