I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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