remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
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Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
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I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.