6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
im holly from the hills drunk
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that