well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.