I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
