he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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