when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize