its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
