i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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