My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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