I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
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