All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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