Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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