It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
