hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
