Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
