I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
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Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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