Betty ford says i'm here all night
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
smell my finger.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
people are starting to question the shark bite story
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
