I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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