Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
