Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
