I accidentally burped into my bong.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize
