rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
