I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
My feet surprised me
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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