as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
