theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
