it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
