The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
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I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
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Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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