its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
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Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
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I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
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