You don't have asthma, your pregnant
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
