Girls should come with a carfax report
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
