I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
