Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
