Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
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His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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