I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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