Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
