Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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