I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
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