I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
