at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
