just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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