: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
