2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Are we in a gay sports bar?
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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