i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
