so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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