its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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